Hi My Name Is:

Hi, 

My name is Cheryl and I'm struggling.

I am;

• a wife
• a mother of 3 teens
• a people pleaser
• an 'obliger'
• a hard worker
• close to a breakdown
• trying to self help
• a little out of shape
• not able to afford private counseling
• trying to be a better mother to myself and my kids (but my actual mum is great btw)
• trying to connect with my inner wannabe (she's hiding behind my distractions)
• planning to watch less TV
• planning to get in shape (while being a better cook for my vegetarian family)
• alone
• feeling friendless
• a bit of a doormat
• kind of a perfectionist - or at least I think I'm capable of it
• eager to please (and hating every minute of it - aka well versed in customer service)
• married to a fixer (thank goodness & Dang it)
• suffering from ZERO sex drive (for years..... but I want to want it I must just hate myself)
• married to a very good man (who as stated above must be a saint or doing time for being a bad guy in a past life I guess)
• too kind for my own good - as in ONLY to others (until I'm angry, then they can all disappear)
• over analytical (and my head seems to not be a friendly place for me to wander alone)
• ...to be decided
• ......to be discovered
• ............to be disclosed

... probably all sorts of other things will come out and again, can't afford counsel so this is where my brain will dump.  

I've chosen this format because I can't seem to keep up a personal journal (even with self imposed deadlines) but I'm a habit girl and this way I won't just work through my lunch LMAO (also sad... arrrgg)

If you never read this, that's ok but I'll be pretending you're there anyway and will keep trying to find a reason to stick around.

Cheryl